I wasn’t suppose to be born. My mom has lupus, and she isn’t suppose to have kids. they told her she would die if she had me, and that she should abort, but here i am. i was born premature and i didn’t know how to swallow. i probably haven’t gained any guts since then. I was an only child, and my parents didn’t like the kids who lived around us much. I was perfectly content playing with my toys alone. Hence being an Introvert.
When I got to school, I got made fun of all the time. Your ugly, your stupid, why are you so short? They would pull my hair, kick my chair, push me. But it was the little things that hurt worst. People saying they would be m friend if I let them cut me in line, and not being one. What did i do? I didn’t know. Guys would say I was the last person on earth they would ever date. Every time is was life someone that I hadne’t even been dating had broken up with me. They were the meanest. I have a few girls who were  my friend, but no guys. They were mean, except one.
Fourth Grade. My first crush. (people talk about crushes in life stories, don’t they) Not much to say, except he was nice 2 me though a bit sexual. he was 13 and i was 9. He stood up for me when his friends made fun, I like the fact that he didn’t go along with the crowd.  Until one day he decided to go along with them, and be mean to me as well. Hello, first crushed heart. I was suspended three times for fighting,  though they were all in self-defence.
I met a friend at this time named Rochelle. She was two sisters and her father was a Pastor. She was passionate for Jesus, and told me about him. I accept Christ into my heart on the school bus when I was 11 years old.
Middle school was hell. Basically the same stuff, but to an extreme extent. I had 0 self confidence in middle from all the ridicule. i would no look people in the eye, hardly speak. Whenever I did, people would make fun of whatever I said. Rochelle had changed, she was mean as well now. There were some days when I wanted to kill myself, i didn’t see any reason to live. I could not see a future for myself, I had been treated this way since I started head start when i was 13 years old and I could not see life beyond  this. I did not want to have to go through this every day. I would cry myself to sleep at night. I wanted to end my life, but God would not let me. He was holding on to me so strong, so passionately. it was the most amazing thing ever. Graduation from middle school was one of the happiest days of my life.
Ah, high school. Due to my previous experience, i gravitated towards the weirdest people i could find in high school. A girl (amber) who idolized Hitler and hated black people, though she was black. A girl who swore she was japanese though she was white, and would sing songs in japanese all the time. A girl who read books all through class and at lunch. A girl (spirit) who wrote poetry and called herself ‘sexy saphire’ (or whatever she called herslef…) And kate, my friend from middle school who went to my high school (she had epilepsy and people were rude 2 her for it, but she was the ONE COOL PERSON out of all these people who still, to this day, i would consider a friend).
High school was okay, though i hated it at the time. The days all kind of blurred together. I still got made fun of, but to a lesser extent. I still got called ugly and whatever, but I was okay. I had some good times two, with my friend who mostly wore black all the time and sat in a corner being weird. As far a guys go, first was ross jr year. Did not really go anywhere because i didn’t really like him. Next was norris. prolly the closest thing 2 a relationship seeing as people thought we were dating. We talked for a very long time but were never official.  umm… don’t know where i am going with this. he made me mad for a bit what were cool now, usually.
NEway… i’m in college now and wow, how God has used college. 2  of my friend from HS. Well once we got here she did a total personalty swap and she got mad at me when i didn’t go alone with the things she wanted to do. It was just her attitude had changed, like she started smoking/drugs, watching porn (in the room while i was in there>:) all the time, stealing stuff, just not being very nice in general. She started acting rude and would never make time to hang out, I got so frustrated that eventually I had to get my own room (she was a roommate). I was in a strange new city and all my friend had decided they weren’t my friend any more (even the new ones, because they were mutual friends with her) That time was a very dark time for me, but i really feel like God dose this to bring us to the end of ourselves and everything we had to make us rely fully on him. I made myself trust help and joined a bible study through campus crusade, and I met some really awesome people who were following God. It was the most amazing thing ever though i still felt (and still do feel) alone and upset and everything, God is showing me that I have a big God-shaped whole in my chest that nothing can fill but Him. I have grown so much in my walk with him since coming here, i wouldn’t have mad it any other way. He brings you to the bottom so they only thing you can rely on is him, and he taught me that He is enough.
I’m a sophomore. I’m still stubborn and sometimes shy (though not nearly as shy as i was in middle school). He is teaching me to love the people who have hurt me. He is teaching me to trust him to do big things (im going on a summer project through campus crusade, and I have to raise 3500 dollars). He is restoring my heart and reminding me that I am beautiful. Mostly, he teaching me to love him
There is only love, everything else is our resistance to it.
And thats all I have to say about that.

abeautifulmess12.tumblr.com

I’m just an average person, really I am. I don’t think of myself as amazing, or even really special, I just know I am me and that I am a unique person because I am the only me.
I’ve never been under a size 14 my entire life, ever. But that hasn’t held me back too much, maybe a little in the past, but not anymore. I don’t let anything hold me back anymore. I am me because of my past, and my future and I will not be scared to live this life.
When I was younger I got bullied a little, I look back on it as something that every person experiences, which is not true, not ever person is bullied or made to cry because of things that they can’t control. Bullying is something that happens all the time, it can be so small that no one really notices it, but when you’re on the recieving end of it, you will ALWAYS see and feel it.
I never even thought about being bullied in school until I was talking to a therapist, only then did it occur to me that it wasn’t right and maybe it had an impact on the way that I had been living my life.
Going through highschool I wasn’t really bullied at all, I was at an all girls school and I was starting to at least feel a little more comfortable in my own skin to not let it effect me. Only the scars of the past were still there, I might not have ever been visably upset, but they were there. I was shy, I never really voiced my opinion unless the person was a close friend, I never talked to boys, and I stayed home most of the time, I found refuge in books, movies and music. It was a safety blanket where the people to look up to were not perfect and often shared my own feelings. I stayed in my own little safe bubble, where I was surrounded by the familiar and people I trusted.
Along came university. All of a sudden I was out of my little bubble and in the real world. High school and primary school are such sheltered environments and I was in no way prepared for what happened next in my life. 
This is the point in my life where everything caught up with me, the bullying and everything that I had repressed, everything that I never wanted to think of again. My head and amour just crashed and I couldn’t run away anymore, I had to acknowledge everything. I also had to acknowledge something that I had been running from my whole life, something I always found a way to dismiss as nothing, I had to have a very personal battle with my inner deamons and depression.
I can’t say that being bullied lead to my depression, of course not, it is not something that just switches on and off like that, it is not that simple. I do know that it is probably something that helped make my depression worse, that helped make me into the shy shell of a person that I was. It stripped me of any selfconfidence and respect I had. I thought of myself as the lowest form of human being that could exist, I had no self esteem and no drive to live. I thought I could never amount to anything and that my life would always be this miserable existance that I had become so used to.
I can’t remember what it was that made me change, or what it was that made me make the most important step in my life, but I know one of the driving reasons was the fact that I was slowly loosing my friends, the people that always had a way of making me feel a little at ease, that made me forget that I was so miserable and even make me laugh. They had noticed that my smile had faded and become a rare sight, they were always asking me if I was okay, and I think their concern and their small efforts to stay my friend in this part of my life was one of the things that kept me not only from doing something stupid, but also seeking help.
Seeking help was the single most amazing thing I have ever done. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but by God it has been more than worth it.
I started seeing a therapist, and we talked about everything, from the weather, to movies, to music, to my childhood, to my moodswings, to the boy that I liked. Nothing was off limits and nothing was stupid. There was no judgement, no criticism, nothing.
It was through this that I started to live again, I started to be me again. I began to not care about what people thought of me, my opinion of me was the one that mattered the most and I was beginning to love myself for the first time ever. I was able to look in the mirror, I made an effort with how I dressed. I laughed, I made people laugh. 
It was through all this that I realized that it is not about what you look like, it’s not about how much money you have, the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, the books you read, the friends you have or anything like that. It;s about you. It’s about how you feel, about what you want and about you living your life and loving every second of it.
I haven’t looked back since then. My friends and I are having more fun then ever, our friendships are even stronger and they are just as supposrtive as ever.
I have become a new person. I now have the confidence that was stripped from me, I have the self esteem that I was missing. I’m not perfect, but there is not such thing as perfect. Every one has flaws and that is what makes them so beautiful. I am more beautiful because of the past I have. 
I now work in a plus sized clothing store, and I love it. I make women who have the same body issues I used to have and tell them they are beautiful. There is no perfect body and there is no perfect size.
It took me a lot to get to this place and I am not 100% there, but I know that I am better off loving myself than hating myself. I am better off enjoying what life that I have then wishing it was over. 
The only reason I bothered typing this up is so that at least one other person out there reads it and starts loving themselves, because if you can’t love yourself then how can you love someone else?
I love my life, I love living it and experiencing every up and down, because it’s the only life I am going to get and I’ll be damned if I am going to let it go to waste.
Remeber, you are beautiful, you are loved, and that you are special. There is no other you out there and that makes you the most unique person on the planet. 
xo

You really hit the nail here. Thank you so much for sending this in! You had me in tears. I know someone out there is going to read this and smile, and know everything is okay. Your outlook on life is so beautiful, and I know anyone who comes in contact with you must see you as a blessing.

My story isn’t exactly a story, since it has no end yet. It’s taking me so much courage to write this and I know what’s happening to me isn’t as bad as some people but I want to share anyway.
When I was in primary school, I got picked on because of my religion quite a lot. People made fun of the way I looked quite often and they destroyed my confidence. By the time I got to Year 5 (4th grade) I decided to change. I became friends with them and it was stupid, I didn’t bully anyone like that but I felt great being part of them. Only now I realise, they walked all over me. I did things for them, I wasn’t PART of them, I was their slave. I hung around with them and felt like their friend but I wasn’t, I would come home and cry, I thought this is how they treated everyone but I knew they didn’t, I still went along with them. I let them laugh at me, mock me, ignore everything I said and it broke me down until I hardly spoke anymore.
After Year 6, I started High School, because you start at 11 here. I wanted things to be different but I wasn’t strong enough. I made a few friends, I though thats what they were, but they again, made fun of me because I’m a Muslim, they laughed at things I said and made fun of me. I heard them talking about me behind my back but I thought it was better than nothing. I’m hardly overweight but people laughed at me because I’m not super skinny like them, everyone in the class always laughed at me, everyone was the same, I was an outsider. I stuck with my group of “friends” and I don’t know why I did, I would come home and I never went to cutting myself but I would bang my hear against the wall, it hurt so bad, yet it made me feel better. I thought i deserved it, for being such an idiot, why did I say the things I did? when they were stupid and people would laugh. It was my fault. I cried myself to sleep, I prayed I wouldn’t be teased the next day so much rather than that I’d have fun with friends. I dreaded school but home wasn’t much better. It still isn’t. Everyone ignores me, I cry and my family walk past like I’m not even there. They hardly say a word to me when they’re a big happy family. When I was small, my sisters picked on me A LOT. I didn’t do anything for years but when I finally started fighting back my mum made me go to a doctor and say I had anger issues. I believed it but I know I didn’t. My mum hit me when I did anything to hurt her, she pushed me against this wall, she doesn’t anymore but when I walk past that wall I can still see it and it hurts every time. Everyone at home just doesn’t care at all, I self harm, I don’t cut, but I hurt myself because I feel better then.
Going back to high school, these girls I was friends with decided they wanted to become popular, I wasn’t “pretty or cool enough” so they left me behind. Ditched me. At first they just completely iced me out, then bullied me, sent notes around about me, pushed me, now they just leave me alone but ignore me. They completely destroyed my confidence with their mocking, ruined my self esteem. Everyone laughs at me in PE because I’m no good. I can’t do anything really. I’m no good at creative stuff either, all I can do is academic subjects but of course that isn’t “cool”. Both of my sisters are so much better than me, they do good in everything and I know I’m just a failure to my family, my dad even tells me that. I’ve thought about suicide, but the only thing stopping me is people on here and mt religion. I now hang around with another group of people but I’d rather be alone. They make me do things for them aswell, they mock me more than anyone has before, I’m in 10th grade now, it’s my last year of high school because english schools end at 16. I’m sick of all of this and I just want to change, people on here have really helped me, reading their stories are inspiring. They have it worse than me and i should be grateful. I just wish that I had that one friend, I could always talk to, one friend that would make me feel pretty, make me feel like I’m worth something. Hopefully I’ll find someone someday. I do have friends I met on a forum, they’re the most amazing people but thats it. This is the first time I’m writing any of this, getting it out, and I’m proud of myself. I now try to turn to music more, my music is all that can save me, I try not to self harm but sometimes I do it. 

I want to thank you for doing this. You are amazing for starting this and I can’t say thank you enough. I love everyone who’s ever written on here. <3

I am actually very glad you sent this in, and I know how hard it must have been for you to do this. Yesterday my friend and I were talking about how everyone should be treated with equal respect, no matter what- and the topic of religion came up. I just don’t understand why people find it okay to think so poorly of others due to their religion. I think you are such a great and amazing person for having the courage to share this with complete strangers. I can only hope that your family starts to give you the respect you deserve, and I know you will find someone you will befriend you completely because you are too wonderful of a person to not befriend. I hope you realize how great of a person you really are and stop hurting yourself because you don’t deserve that. You are so much more than others make you out to be.

Story #31

I was always that girl who was so put together. Despite the way my father abused me for eighteen years until I finally moved away, I tried to hide every aspect of my home life from everyone I knew because I was afraid to face my demons. I’ve always been the person to put everyone else before myself, so I honestly didn’t know how to speak up for myself when my father abused me.
It mostly started when I was in elementary school. I was slightly overweight compared to the other kids in my class, and if that wasn’t enough to deal with my father made sure I was aware of it. He asked me once what I wanted to be when I grew up knowing that I’d tell him I wanted to be a famous singer. He proceeded to tell me that I could never be a singer because I was too fat to sing and dance and perform in front of anyone. For the first time in my life, I was disgusted by my own appearance. My father controled every aspect of my life. Whenever I wanted to wear anything that was fashionable or cute he would refuse to buy it for me because it made me look “huge”. By the time I was in fifth grade he decided that I needed to excercise regularly. I loathed excercise to begin with because of my asthma, but when it was forced on me it seemed like torture. My “excercise program” made me hate myself even more. I wasn’t pretty and I wasn’t good at excercising.
It got worse when I began middle school. The negative comments continued, only now they were usually accompanied with “what boy is ever going to like you?” It was bad enough that many of my close friends were getting their first boyfriends, and I wasn’t getting any action, but the constant reminder drove me into depression. All I wanted was to be thin and pretty and just find a boy who wanted to hold my hand in the hallways.
Flash forward to my senior year of high school. It was a school morning and my dad was in a terrible mood. By then, I had figured out how to push all of the right buttons to ruin his day the way he ruined my childhood and I had grown into a strong, beautiful confident woman. It was just another day of fighting in my household. My dad would tell me how I had no future and needed to come up with some sort of plan if I ever wanted to make it in life. I kept thinking to myself how I’d had a plan for the past four years that didn’t involve him, his money, or his criticism. Yes, I was an angsty teenager who naturally wanted to rebel against her parents, but more than anything I was just waiting to break out of his bubble and find sucess on my own terms. I knew that even if I was living in a cardboard box later in life, at least I would finally be free. All of these thoughts were running through my head as my dad continued to condemn my existence. That day was the climax of me and my father’s abusive relationship. Finally, my father told me that he just didn’t believe in me anymore. I had heard him say it a thousand times, but as he said it that morning it stuck a chord inside of me that seemed to ring for forever. I snapped back at him and finally unveiled MY plan to him. I don’t know what kind of reaction I expected him to give my idea, but I certainly never expected my own father to hit me. Twice. The side of my face stung as tears fell from my eyes. My father stormed downstairs and left the house. I was no longer afraid of my father. The moment he hit me I realized that I had won. I had struck a fear inside of him so that the only thing he knew to do was to resort to physically hurting me. I knew that nothing he said would ever harm me again. As victorious as I felt, I still had no idea what to do. My family wasn’t supposed to be this kind of family, the kind they make lifetime movies about. I had watched this kind of family self-destruct on Dr.Phil so many times. I needed time to think, so I decided that I would have to be late to school. I went online and searched for any help I could find. Part of me just wanted to call CPS and get the state involved, but I was scared to death. I had my plan, but this was an unexpected bump in the road. I found a therapist in the area that specialized in family counseling and called her. That night, I told my father that if he didn’t agree to go to counseling, I would call CPS and fight with everything I had for emancipation rights. My father knew he was in the wrong, so we went through the counseling process.
My family is still not perfect, but things are a lot better than they were. I dont know if me and my dad will ever see eye to eye, but at least now we have a mutual understanding of what is appropriate and what damages our relationship even further. My dad stole my confidence from me when I was young and it took me a very long time to be able to stand up to him and get help. Abuse isn’t always physical and emotional abuse, especially from family members, should not be taken lightly. If you’re the awkward kid who is told they aren’t good enough, just know that you are good enough and having confidence is very beautiful.

You are such a strong person for not only dealing with that for years, but MAKING it stop. That is such a hard thing to do. I know someone is going to read this and take after your footsteps. You literally amaze me, and I can tell you are going to have such a bright future.

Story #30

I’m so beyond happy to have stumbled across this, I have been bullied since I was in second grade when I was brand new to a school, and I’ve always been over weight almost all my life and when I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the kids at PE they would pick on me and call me names, and then sometimes I would be on the playground and kids would fill their mouths with water at the water fountains and spit on me, and then when my family went therw  a money crisis we couldn’t aford clothing and sometimes I would have to wear mis matching socks and I would get picked on for that, and then I was picked on for haveing lazy eye and I would have to wear a patch over my right eye to make my left eye stronger, and on the bus rides home kids would pick on me, then came along Jr. High, all was pretty much good till I got involved with the wrong crowed and I started to grow depressed, and then this one guy named Matt would kick my chair and call me fat, and annoying and then a teacher also started to pick on me because I had a stutter problem and this boy almost took advantage of me, till my best guy friend stopped him, and then High School came along and I was badly picked on and it hurt so bad, and I would hide behind my senior friends, and the family that was friends of my family, because of the way people would make fun of my weight, it got to be to much I started cutting, and in sophmore and half of my junior I was homescooled, and the depression was bad, and then I feel so far behind in schoool I had to go to continueational school where I was then accepted for me, and it was really nice, and then things happened all over again with people picking one me when my regular bully in Freshman year came to my school and he did it again and got me in treouble and I went and told the princple and he told me I’m almost graduated and he can’t always be there to fix the bad things. Now that I’m done with highschool, I want people to realize what I went threw and maybe they won’t cause it on others, and I can’t help but wonder if the boy’s own older brother knows about it, because he’s one of my friends, and it’s also nice knowing I’m not the only one who went threw the bullying.

Thank you, and Let Us Love.

I’m so sorry that you had to go through ALL of that for so many years. The words and actions that people say/do really take a toll on people and they don’t even realize it. It’s wonderful to hear you’re enjoying life now, and I’m glad that stumbling upon Let Us Love made you happy! Thank YOU for sharing your story with us!

Story #29

The bullying for me started in middle school.I had friends for a little while and then they ditched me because they thought I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with them. We got into a fight and they started bullying me. They told everyone my secrets. I couldn’t even go on aim anymore to talk to my family because they would message me saying mean things to me. They called me words like dyke,bitch, and anorexic. Even though I wasn’t any of those things. They would also tease me in class. One of them used to sit behind me and kick my chair during the whole class. I had to change my seat multiple times but she just got the person behind me to kick my seat. She would then make jokes about me and the whole class would laugh. These were the “popular girls” so they pretty much made everyone hate me. That group stopped bullying me and I made a new friend but her best friend got jealous of us hanging out. She would also i.m. calling me names. She and this other girl would knock down my books and jump on me and pull my backpack off in the hallways. She would also yell mean things to me in the hallway. I was depressed all throughout middle school. Sometimes I thought life would be better off without me in it. That is when I got into music and that really helped me through. It is also when I realized that my family is way more important than friends. They loved me for who I was and never teased me. Now that I am in high school things have gotten better but it is still hard for me to trust anyone. My story may not be as bad as others but I felt like I needed to tell someone. I think this site is great and its going to help so many people, like me, to tell their stories.

I’m so sorry someone would put you through all that, and for what? There is no reason for people to act so violently towards others. Your story IS bad, and it will help so many other people that are dealing with issues just like yours so thank you for sharing your story with us!

Story #28

This is my second story to write on here. But this story is different. This has to do with physical abuse. When i was about 6 years of age, my family started having problems. My mom and dad started fighting and just wanted to get divorced. So as anger rose in them, emotions filled me. When i reached the age of 7 not only was i bullied i was starting to be physically abused by my parents. From smacking me around, to slapping me with belts, even attacking me. I would just put up with the torture at home, which was another reason of depression.  around the ages 8-10 the abuse worsened and i started to fear people because of abuse. I didn’t like talking about my parents, so when people would ask me about them, i’d lie and say they we’re sweet. Around the ages 12-14 i started to tell my parents how i felt about them yelling at me and telling them how abusing me had affected me and my siblings. they took it as bull **** and just decided to give it a rest. They soon stopped abusing us. But the verbal abuse stayed, being cussed out, being told i’m hated by my parents is nothing different. some ways around, eventually i started getting closer to my dad and mom. Which was causing them to be nicer to me and not hitting me as much. They can still be rude, and they can still be nice occasionally. I really still wanted to be a close family, so i started to open up with my feelings. Now my family is more collect. but my older sister who is 17 helps me cope with it. I am now 14 and living a basically normal life.

letuslove.

I think it is terrible that you or anyone were physically abused! However, I think it’s great that you finally spoke up against it. It really bums me out when I hear parents do such terrible things to their children when they should do nothing but love and support them. I really hope one day your parents eyes will open up and they will change their ways for good. For now, I hope you think of Let Us Love as a second family to you!

Story #27

My story begins when school started. I started my school in Kindergarden and that was the year all went wrong. Well the teacher had a buddy writing program, so everyone in the room could write each other. Since no one wanted to write me i would start writing myself, just little notes like “Hi, how are you?” and i was basically the only one who talked to me. I didn’t have any friends, because i was the shy one. And one day, my teacher discovered that i had been writing myself, instead of writing someone else. SO she announced it to the class what i had been doing. That’s when the bullying started, i was called “loser, lonely, ugly exct, exct.” Then when 4th grade came, drama started becoming a part of my life. My world seemed to be corrupting. And i didn’t know what to do. So buy around 5th and 6th grade came, i was depressed. I had thoughts about suicide. So i started going to church with my family. and my lord jesus christ took me out of depression. But still bullying became part of my life. In Junior High I was in a fight one time, and i was the talk of the school. I lost the fight, and i was just shunned. Thats when i met my best friend Sam, she got me through everything. She stood up for me, as i would for her. I was still bullied, but not badly. Just people talking badly about me, but by the time i reached 8th grade i was fairly popular. But i already had the reputation as a rude person. Everyone thought i was rude, because i ignored everyone because i’ve been hurt so much. So now with let us love, i learned to sew the holes in my heart, and help sew the holes of OTHERS hearts. With this organization i learned to put others first and forgive the one’s who have damaged me. 
I want to thank you so much megan, you truly are a inspiration.

Bullying starts at such a young age, people don’t even realize!  However, I think it’s so beautiful the love you receive from the Lord and your best friend made you the person you are today. I think you sound like such a wonderful person. It means everything to me to know that you are helping sew holes in others hearts. And you are making me cry you have NO idea! Thank YOU so much. YOU are my inspiration.

Story #26

When I am stressed out or I feel like I can’t control things anymore and everything is going in what seems to be a downward spiral I stop eating.
At first it was because I wasn’t hungry or I just didn’t have time to eat, but now it’s getting worse. Instead of forgetting to eat because I don’t have time I just don’t eat because I feel incontrol. If I don’t feel in control of my mind or my mentality I won’t eat. It developed slowly, but now it’s getting really really bad. My weight from day to day changes so much. I wont eat till after work or even then I don’t eat, I might not eat for two days and I’ll only drink water then when I do want to eat again and the feeling in my stomache becomes excruiatingly unbearable or people start to notice I look out of it I’ll eat and gain about 4 pounds. 

I feel like everythings out of control right now. My family life, and my personal life, everything. I can’t control that so I feel like I try to control other things. I feel like if I dont have any sense of control of myself or bad situations im in I need to get some control to give me some sanity. I binge eat after sometimes too. I’ll eat for one full day like legit anything & everything I can even the most unhealthiest things you can imagine, and then stop eating for about 4 days (It used to be 1 day then over time its grown to 4.). 
I want to stop I really do. I just don’t feel like I have the power too, and its the only thing that keeps me stable sometimes.

Its just been really bad the past few days. My parents forgot about my birthday and bought me a last minute present that as bratty as this may sound I didn’t really like at all. 
I felt out of control like everything was spinning at warped speed. My parents don’t know anything about my personality, or what i like and dislike. I feel like they favor my brothers and it had been one of the big problems in my life in the past year. Instead of not eating, I went out to McDonalds the day after my birthday I ate 3double cheeseburgers, 1 medium fry, 1 brownie melt, and strawberry shake. I felt so disgusting after and went to Target and threw it all up and broke down in the car after.

It really is starting to scare me how my only way of feeling in control is becoming out of control, but what scares me the most is I feel amazingly better after.

I want to tell my family exactly how bad things have gotten from the way they treat me at times and the comments they make, but I don’t want to hear things get pinned back on me and blame being placed on my shoulders for this.

I know exactly how you feel right now because I’ve been there too. It’s such a scary feeling knowing that something is controlling you and you feel you can’t stop it. I just want you to know that you CAN. It’s such a hard thing to overcome, believe me, but you CAN do it. I believe in you. If you ever want to talk to me, please do.

Story #25

After reading a few, I felt like sharing my story. In eigth grade, I became friends with this girl. We did everything together. We’d always go to concerts and celebrity events. Then high school came. From the first day, I could already tell, our friendship was gonning to fall apart. I kinda just saw it happening in my mind before it actually happened. Towards late December, we grew more distant. She had her friends, I had mine. She had this one friend, she grew much closer to. And growing closer to that friend, basically just meant ditching me. In late January early February, her friend started to call me names. She called me “Pirate.” To this day, I don’t understand why she called me that. I’m thinking its the way I dress. Sorry, but I enjoy dressing up. Wearing Steve Maddenflat boots and nice shirts was kind of what most girls wore at my school. Everywhere I’d go, she’d be there. With my so-called “best friend” by her side. Screaming that word at me, laughing right behind her. Name calling seemed like no big deal. I kept this whole thing to myself. Didn’t tell anyone about it. But, it grew to things much worse. She started to hit me, or punch me, or just do something physically to hurt me. It didn’t help that I had a period with her during my school year. From the first finger she laid on me, I knew I had to talk to someone about it. I told my best friends. I could tell that the first time I told them about it, they were upset. They didn’t know why someone would do something like that to me. They never wanted me to walk alone after those moments. I was scared to be alone by myself at school. Everyday, I’d have a friend walk to me with class. Especially, to my class she was in. One day, I walked with my friend over to class. And I was just standing around talking to her. Then from the corner of my eye, I saw her. She threw her backpack at me. My friend yelled out to her “Eeeew! Its Frakenstein.” And she replied with “Shut up, Asian!” From that moment, I became so sickened to see this. People who are so racist get on my nerves. It bugs me to see people categorize other by their race and have so much hate for them. All these girls from my class came up to me, asking what was wrong. I was so disappointed, I ignored it. The bell rang, and it was time to go inside. Still shaking from this experience, she stopped me right before I went in. She said, “Next time your friend want to say something to me, tell her she could say it to my face.” I just said “ok.” I sounded so weak. And she repeated what she said only I yelled it. As I she walked away, she punched me in the back. It got people talking. Then my story of how my friend got invloved in my bully situations traveled to other local high schools. It was the last day of March. I went on myspace to see if my ex-best friend deleted every photo she posted of us and our good times. She didn’t. For those photos of us, there was a description. It read “All I’m saying is that the comments for this are hilarious!” All those comments, every single one was from my bully. She said things about how she wanted to kill me and had so much hate. Before I go on, I just want to say this quote. William Beckett of the Academy Is… tweeted it, and it meant a lot to me. It said, “It’s insane that someone you’ve never met, never talked to can be your enemy.” I never even met my bully, never said a single word. I just couldn’t understand why someone could have so much hate for me, and yet not even know me personally. I cried myself to sleep that night. I felt so betrayed and hurt, I was going depressed and had absolutely no hope at all that my life was going to get better. I called my friend. The one who stood up for me. I was in tears, and didn’t know what to do. She was always there, giving me advice. My parents later found out what happened. It was a late start at school the next day. My mom stopped me before I went out of the house and asked me to explain the situation going on. I told her and my dad every detail. And printed out every comment she posted. I walked into school that day, and the bell had just rang. I walked towards my first period to find my bully. It was kind of like she was waiting for me. And as I passed by she threw her backpack towards my direction. For the rest of the day, I had a giant, red line across my left arm. Which later left a scratch that turned into a scar. My mom asked me to text her everytime she did something to me that day. So I did. It was middle of the day, and I went to meet up with friends. And we all walked to class together. Then, she punched me. Towards the end of that period, she came in my direction because she has a friend, who sat directly in front of me. It scared me a bit. I just start conversations with people around me. One of my classmates, heard her what she was saying. They were talking about me. Later that day, my bully heard how mad I was about everything that she did to me. So after school she apologized. I remember what she said so perfectly, “I’m really not that mean.” With a big smile and her sarcastic voice, I couldn’t believe it at all! It was so ironic, cause it all just happened to April Fools Day. I couldn’t stand this pain that I went through anymore. So, the next morning my mom and I went to vist my campus officer at my high school. They had to take photos of bruises and scars. Because my incident became outside of school, they had to give her a criminal record. They suspended her for five days. Which was nice, cause I had a week of not seeing her, before spring break. That day, I thought it was all over. That night I went to go meet up with a bunch of close family friends. I went to go pick up some food with my uncle. We had to wait around for about half an hour. I got this phone call. So I picked it up. On the other line, was my ex-best friends mom. She kept saying that she didn’t know that any of this happened and that her daughter was sorry for what has happened. I couldn’t believe the word “sorry” anymore. Not when!
she was the one by her side laughing while I was the one getting hurt
emotionally and physically. When I went back to go meet up with everyone. I ran into a room crying. I just wanted it all to end, and it felt like it was never going to. Those days she was suspended, people would always ask my teacher why she was gone everyday. It kind of became an everyday thing. I hated sitting in that chair having to hear that everyday. Only a few people knew the true, whole story. When she came back, people asked her. And she made it sound like she was denying everything that happened. Teachers caught on and brought it up and asked her, “I heard you beat up a girl.” How I know that is because one of my friends was in that class with her. To this day, I’m still scarred with the memories that haunt me, but through my situation I realized who my true friends are. I found role models and people I could look up to just because of their situations they’ve overcome in life. Through my rough times, I found music as my escape. I started listening to Never Shout Never. From the first song I heard, it made me feel happier. It made me feel that there was hope that my life was going to get better. To this day, I thank Christofer Drew for that. Its something I love about him and his music.

If there is one thing I don’t understand it’s how someone you don’t even know can hate you for no reason. The fact that this person didn’t even know you and physically and emotionally harmed you disgusts me. I am so happy to hear you got over this though! I hope she doesn’t try to pull such a stunt when you go back to school, but I can see you have great friends and family that really look out for you. I’m glad you look at these people posting their stories as your role models because I feel the same way about them and you!