My story isn’t exactly a story, since it has no end yet. It’s taking me so much courage to write this and I know what’s happening to me isn’t as bad as some people but I want to share anyway.
When I was in primary school, I got picked on because of my religion quite a lot. People made fun of the way I looked quite often and they destroyed my confidence. By the time I got to Year 5 (4th grade) I decided to change. I became friends with them and it was stupid, I didn’t bully anyone like that but I felt great being part of them. Only now I realise, they walked all over me. I did things for them, I wasn’t PART of them, I was their slave. I hung around with them and felt like their friend but I wasn’t, I would come home and cry, I thought this is how they treated everyone but I knew they didn’t, I still went along with them. I let them laugh at me, mock me, ignore everything I said and it broke me down until I hardly spoke anymore.
After Year 6, I started High School, because you start at 11 here. I wanted things to be different but I wasn’t strong enough. I made a few friends, I though thats what they were, but they again, made fun of me because I’m a Muslim, they laughed at things I said and made fun of me. I heard them talking about me behind my back but I thought it was better than nothing. I’m hardly overweight but people laughed at me because I’m not super skinny like them, everyone in the class always laughed at me, everyone was the same, I was an outsider. I stuck with my group of “friends” and I don’t know why I did, I would come home and I never went to cutting myself but I would bang my hear against the wall, it hurt so bad, yet it made me feel better. I thought i deserved it, for being such an idiot, why did I say the things I did? when they were stupid and people would laugh. It was my fault. I cried myself to sleep, I prayed I wouldn’t be teased the next day so much rather than that I’d have fun with friends. I dreaded school but home wasn’t much better. It still isn’t. Everyone ignores me, I cry and my family walk past like I’m not even there. They hardly say a word to me when they’re a big happy family. When I was small, my sisters picked on me A LOT. I didn’t do anything for years but when I finally started fighting back my mum made me go to a doctor and say I had anger issues. I believed it but I know I didn’t. My mum hit me when I did anything to hurt her, she pushed me against this wall, she doesn’t anymore but when I walk past that wall I can still see it and it hurts every time. Everyone at home just doesn’t care at all, I self harm, I don’t cut, but I hurt myself because I feel better then.
Going back to high school, these girls I was friends with decided they wanted to become popular, I wasn’t “pretty or cool enough” so they left me behind. Ditched me. At first they just completely iced me out, then bullied me, sent notes around about me, pushed me, now they just leave me alone but ignore me. They completely destroyed my confidence with their mocking, ruined my self esteem. Everyone laughs at me in PE because I’m no good. I can’t do anything really. I’m no good at creative stuff either, all I can do is academic subjects but of course that isn’t “cool”. Both of my sisters are so much better than me, they do good in everything and I know I’m just a failure to my family, my dad even tells me that. I’ve thought about suicide, but the only thing stopping me is people on here and mt religion. I now hang around with another group of people but I’d rather be alone. They make me do things for them aswell, they mock me more than anyone has before, I’m in 10th grade now, it’s my last year of high school because english schools end at 16. I’m sick of all of this and I just want to change, people on here have really helped me, reading their stories are inspiring. They have it worse than me and i should be grateful. I just wish that I had that one friend, I could always talk to, one friend that would make me feel pretty, make me feel like I’m worth something. Hopefully I’ll find someone someday. I do have friends I met on a forum, they’re the most amazing people but thats it. This is the first time I’m writing any of this, getting it out, and I’m proud of myself. I now try to turn to music more, my music is all that can save me, I try not to self harm but sometimes I do it. 

I want to thank you for doing this. You are amazing for starting this and I can’t say thank you enough. I love everyone who’s ever written on here. <3

I am actually very glad you sent this in, and I know how hard it must have been for you to do this. Yesterday my friend and I were talking about how everyone should be treated with equal respect, no matter what- and the topic of religion came up. I just don’t understand why people find it okay to think so poorly of others due to their religion. I think you are such a great and amazing person for having the courage to share this with complete strangers. I can only hope that your family starts to give you the respect you deserve, and I know you will find someone you will befriend you completely because you are too wonderful of a person to not befriend. I hope you realize how great of a person you really are and stop hurting yourself because you don’t deserve that. You are so much more than others make you out to be.